Monday, 15 February 2010

An interesting choice of metaphor

I'm doing a quick post to quell rumours that I've been crushed by a giant writers' block falling from the sky. Instead I've been surrounded by cardboard boxes (some of which have fallen on me actually) and having yet more problems with my internet connection (grr). Anyway, just because I haven't left any comments on your blogs doesn't mean I don't love you all anymore, in fact I've really been missing my daily blog check and can't wait for life to let me slot back into my normal writing-obsessed routine.

So, to say sorry I haven't been around here are some romance novel quotations that I hope will make you smile :-)

1. His body was hard -- not hard like Milosevic, the Serbian strongman, but hard like the marble on your shower floor, when you fall and bang your knee.

2. Her embrace made his manhood swell like week-old roadkill on hot asphalt in the Georgia sun.

3. Her breasts heaved like a stormy ocean, and her pointed nipples were like hypodermics washed up on the shore.

4.Her petticoats dropped to the ground, rustling like a cockroach in a sugar bowl.

5. He tore open her blouse like a Publisher's Clearing House letter in which he, and some guy named Steven Bouber from Stockton, California, were potential finalists for the $10 million prize.

6. With each breath, her chest heaved like a bulimic after Thanksgiving dinner.

7.Then he kissed her, like a butterfly kisses the windshield of a Porsche on the Autobahn.

8. His manhood stood at full attention, stiff and stony like the vice president.

9. Beatrice was on him like a piranha on a corn dog.

10. His chest was her pillow, and oh, did she drool.


Suzanne Jones said...

Great to see you in Blogland, Lorraine. And thanks for the quotes - really cheered me up.

Take care.


Jackie Ashenden said...

Yay Lorraine!! Good to know you're still around. Those are hilarious romance quotes! I love the kiss and the autobahn...

Joanne Coles said...

Oh, those were hilarious. Just what I needed to cheer me up on the first day of half term!

Caroline Storer said...

Funny! Did you make these up? Pleeeease don't tell me they are real!!! Caroline x

Judy Jarvie said...

Glad you are okay and fabulous quotes! I particularly like the sound of Beatrice.
Hope to see you around again soon. Go slay those boxes. jx

Maya said...

This brought tears to my eyes! Thanks for the laugh, Lorraine. Hope the cardboxes are treating you better!

Lacey Devlin said...

Well if that doesn't make you laugh what will? Keep an eye on those boxes? Sometimes I think they launch organized attacks...

Sally Clements said...

Snerk! I loved number 7 best...

Lacey Devlin said...

Hi Sally! I’ve given you an award on my blog :)

Maya said...

Lorraine, I've nominated you for an award on my blog. Enjoy!

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